Sitting Quietly in a Room

All of man's difficulties are caused by his inability to sit quietly in a room by himself. -- Pascal

This morning as I endeavored to keep a promise, I found myself realizing the truth of Pascal's words (see quotation above).

I had promised to say prayers on this day while others went out to engage in spreading the fire of GodÂ’s love for mankind (i.e. they were out teaching the Cause of God to souls who thirst for a taste of the life giving waters that only the Word of God can quench).

Earlier in the month I had attended a Reflections Gathering and had volunteered to go to the Center and say prayers for the success of the teaching work that morning. With so much going on, I had forgotten that the Center was all the way across town, in fact in another city altogether. So I decided that it might have the same effect if I just stayed in and said prayers at my home for one hour at the allotted time.

As I prepared myself by first washing my face and hands, I then got out my prayer books, a couple of inspirational books and threw my cotton blanket on the floor to begin precisely at 10:00 a.m.

I started by chanting 95 times the phrase God is Most Glorious (in Arabic) to clear my mind of any debris. Then I said the Prayer of Visitation to evoke the presence of the Master so that he might be my guide throughout the prayer session.

From there I moved on to reciting teaching prayers, one for the Southern States and one for the Northern States and on and on. I actually said the prayer for the Southern States several times.

I repeated many times the following prayer for divine assistance as revealed by the Bab (Arabic title meaning The Gate):

Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say praised be God. He is God. All are His servants and all abide by His bidding.

I said this prayer revealed by Bahá'u'lláh several times too:

He who puts his trust in God, God will suffice him. He who fears God, God will send him relief.

I should note that after I said the first prayer The Prayer of Visitation -- the tears had already begun to stream from my eyes. I think it was this sentence that threw me for a loop:

Graciously look upon Thy servant, humble and lowly at Thy door, with the glances of the eye of Thy mercy, and immerse him in the Ocean of Thine eternal grace.

Let me try to explain why.

Earlier in the month a good friend of mine who served with me in Haifa Israel, she and I had decided that we would vie for our Fathers love, and had commenced with writing love letters to God. You can read about the 9 Love Letters to God project here if you want the rest of the story.

So I had written a response to her second love letter to God, and ended the piece with a post script and short poem which simply read:

P.S. II. And if my Father flinches in the least or acts as though He does not recognize (my) name - - tell him instead that I am just a beggar you noticed kneeling outside the door, with a sign in the left hand that read:

Will work for a glance

Will toil for a chance

Will forgo all love, pleasure, hate

To be allowed to kiss the dust

Not atop, but beneath His feet.

And as I said, I think the word glance in that Prayer of Visitation really got to me, because in my quest to be with the Beloved, I am aware that:

With a look He granteth a hundred thousand hopes, with a glance He healeth a
hundred thousand incurable ills, with a nod He layeth balm on every wound..

But I digress--now back to the story...

So, it was now 10:12 as I noted my watch for the first time. Uhmm. That is not really an hour and already I am in tears and I am ready to be done with just sitting here communing with a being that I cannot see.

Okay, now let me kneel down, press my head against the cotton throw and really engage my Lord with my own prayers from the heart. Another 10 minutes passed after that.

Now, let me get up and read some of this inspirational stuff from Grace For the Moment : Inspirational Thoughts for Each Day of the Year by Max Lucado. I read not one day's inspiration but seven days of meditations, ending with this from his compilation:

Is there any emotion that imprisons the soul more than the unwillingness to forgive?

Still, at 10:30, it was enough. I could do no more. I would not be able to pray for the full hour. And my only consolation was these words of Scripture that came to mind:

One hour's reflection is preferable to seventy years of pious worship.

And later I found this passage too:

Take heed lest excessive reading and too many acts of piety in the daytime and in the night
season make you vainglorious. Should a person recite but a single verse from the Holy Writings in a spirit of joy and radiance, this would be better for him than reciting wearily all the Scriptures of God, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting. Recite ye the verses of God in such measure that ye be not overtaken with fatigue or boredom. Burden not your souls so as to cause exhaustion and weigh them down, but rather endeavor to lighten them, that they may soar on the wings of revealed Verses unto the dawning-place of His signs. This is conducive to nearer access unto God, were ye to comprehend.

Yeah, the mind is always there to the rescue with logic galore for helping us not keep our commitments or promises. The ego is older than we are in years and knows how to stroke just enough so that the deception is viewed as only a tiny little lie.

I will try to do better on the 9^th, the next date I have committed to. And perhaps the agony will not be as intense if I attempt this same feat (i.e. one hour of prayer) in a group setting.

Well, this is Lo, and I gotta go...